40 Crazy Things Parents Say

Oh, the funny things parents say to their kids…

No matter parenting style, personality, education we all seem to say these things more or less.

It’s funny how things you thought you would never ever (EVER) say, now come out of your mouth so natural and it’s the only logic thing to say at that moment. It’s not bad or good humor, it’s real life, people!

Just think of the various and hilarious (horrifying to some) situations we are in to say such things.

40 funny things parents say

Warning! If you are not a parent (or deal with little kids on a daily basis) this might be too awkward and weird. 

1. “Get your spaghetti out of between your toes..and keep eating.”

It sounded better in my head.

2. “Ok sweetie, we will try to make the baby tonight and put it in my tummy.”

 YES. These were my exact words 5 months ago, when my 7 year old begged and begged for another sibling. I am 5 months pregnant as of now.

3. – “Mom, I am hungry!”.

– “Hey, nice to meet you.” Sometimes, you just can’t resist it. Just sometimes.

4.  “Ok, I will buy it now, but remember, this is your birthday present!”

This would be true if there were 12 birthdays a year.

5. “No, honey, I am not a camel. I can’t carry you, your brother and your polar bear.”

If I got a nickle every time I said this, I would be one wealthy mama.

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6. “Do you understand English!”

When you keep saying the same thing over and over again, you start doubting if your child speaks the same language you do. Just checking.

7. “Are you sure you don’t have any homework?”

You want this to be truth, but you know it’s not.

8. “She is your baby sister, not a pull toy.”

The funny thing is that the baby seemed to enjoy this game.

9. “What did your friend’s mom do when you were there?”

I just want to make sure she (the mom) was having a good time… That’s all.

10. “Why is there a Lego tower in the fridge?”

Now I know why my milk, sour cream and cream cheese is on the counter.

11. “Where is your other shoe?”,

Says a parent almost every single day. Sometimes few times a day. And on some unfortunate occasions you say this in the middle of the street.

crazy things parents say to kids

12. “Can you get my wallet out of the trash bin, please!”

While you are there, get the car keys, my bracelet and my iPhone. THANKS!

13. “Don’t lick the wall. We are in the public bathroom.”

But you know the “damage” has been done already.

14. “Stop pulling your weenier!”

I never thought I would say this, until I had a son.

15. “Where did you put that bugger?”

We ask but we don’t really know the answer. NEVER.

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16“No, you can’t eat a sticker.”

But I know you will eat it right after I turn away.

17. “Who ate dog’s food.”

Says mom who forgot about the lunch today.

18. “NO,  I am sure the squirrel didn’t pee in your pans.”

Nor did the fox or the mouse or any other animal.

19. “Why did you paint the couch red!!!?”

This is phrase that my sister in law thought she would never have to say after she bought her white leather couch. p.s. What was she thinking buying it at the first place?

20. “What’s wrong with broccoli?” Asks every mom

21. “What’s that brown spot on the back of you pans?” I have asked this question my son while writing this post. I didn’t wait for an answer. Just took him to the bath.

22. “How does your bugger taste?”. Again, it’s a rhetorical question. No answer wanted or needed.

23. “When did you learn how to download an app?” Says a mother to her toddler who can’t poop on the toilet yet.

24. “I promise there are no vegetables in this soup!” I am so sure I almost believe it myself.

25. “You  are lucky you are cute”. No comments needed.

26. “Why are you giving this to me? I am not a trash can.” Even if the trash can is closer they won’t mind extra steps so they can proudly give you their dirty napkin.

27. “Get off your baby brother, he is not a horse.”

28. “This is not food. Did you actually eat that?” Ewww…

29. “Can I borrow some money from your piggy bank”. Yes, I admit, this the phrase I have said on numerous occasions, when I need some cash quickly. I just hope they don’t learn about interest rate any time soon.

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30. “Can you please stop talking about poop. We eating dinner.”

I get it, “poop talk” is popular around 4 year old kids, but please, let me just finish my meal.

31. “Do you want some juice? Go get one for me too please.” 🙂 

32. “Can you squeeze your poop in for another 5 minutes?”

Yes, I know how it feels, but what else can I do in the middle of traffic?

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33. “Honey, I am sorry, but daddy can’t marry you. He is already married to me!”

Just when you thought another female will never ask you for permission to marry your husband.

34. “So if everybody jumps from the roof, will you jump too?”

That was my mom’s favorite!

35. What do you want to eat?

There is nothing for dinner.

36. “When you grow up bigger – you will understand!”

37. “Don’t let the dog lick your popsicle”. 

38. “No, we can’t wrap a gift in your underwear.”

Can we?

40. “I am not talking to you until you wear some underwear.”

I say this on a daily basis. Don’t you?

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 Please please share your hilarious, crazy, awkward, weird and funny things parents say, things that come out of your mouth when talking to your kids.